Feel like I’ve had a full on retrograde experience that I’ve heard others speak of. It’s like I’ve got a hangover from a night of drinking, and now I’ve got to make amends with myself and others. Luckily the apologetic hangover hasn’t happened in a good 10 plus years, but this is along those same lines. Find the lesson, they say.
Find the lesson.
We are separate souls on our own mission who have come together to do it together – but separate still. Separate souls, separate missions – but with the support of each other. Thats what ‘together’ is.
It isn’t combine everything and become one. It’s two in its entirety. Maybe that’s why marriages breakdown.
‘When two become one”. That’s a ton of pressure to be, do, and share everything with someone else, who is now your other half – when before this you were actually one.
On your own whole, and now only a half.
But is this really the lesson, Mercury?
Realize how strong you can be on your own. Develop your own potential. Gather your own seed, tend to your garden, and watch that beauty bloom. Witness your work, and experience your transformation.
I think that’s it. From one of the oddest, most over-thought days of my life, yesterday, I think this is the lesson.
Support, and be supported – team work – but while supporting, don’t forget to grow your own seed (goals/interests/career) and be around to watch it bloom. We have our own missions. You are already whole, and thankfully so am I.
There’s so much of ourselves that isn’t meant to mesh.
I’m going to harness the power of when one becomes two, instead.
This is something that’s been coming up internally for some time. Society has changed in a way that’s a bit harder for me to accept, being that I’m not normally gungho on changes anyways. I’m talking about the small screens being the big screen. Social media, really.
We’re absorbed in devices, and constantly being broadcasted to about what other people are doing, thinking, and eating. We are more tuned into the masses then ourselves. The mentality is that whoever matters to most, should also matter to me. That I need to know what they all know, and be doing what they’re all doing too.
It’s all rather tiring, and so very loud.
My life will never look like a magazine. I won’t ever be in one either. This is an understanding that I am totally comfortable with. I am however uncomfortable with the desire for others to perfect their life in pictures while the real life pieces are falling apart.
Stock photos aren’t stored memories. These events didn’t happen in your days. Your desk doesn’t look like that – because from Instagram I’d have to say you’ve all got the same fucking desk. It’s ridiculously fake.
My real feelings were written, alongside this photo of my actual desk. Bad lighting and all, haha.
The internet may bury this post like it never happened, as lets face it the much needed seo is thrown astray… 4 likes and 2 shares over 10 years and I’ll still hold it as true.
There’s nothing that should make you feel like your real life isn’t the real and sharable story. Go ahead and share it, your story and your freaking desk. #FromTheDeskOf
I have felt bad about being poor my whole life. I don’t need to be feeling bad about privilege too.
This is where I’ve been stuck in my own mindset for ages. I have dabbled in the luxuries, but talk them down as it makes me feel bad when others have yet to indulge.
This must change. I cannot control how others feel about me, or an aspect of my lifestyle, but I can control how I feel about these things, and fuck I’m happy.
I have chosen to be happy pretty well everyday since deciding that I truly deserved to be happy. That was a decision worth making right there. The days aren’t all easy, but they sure are easier, you know?
There is absolutely nothing wrong with living in a big house in a big city, driving a big truck, or a very little car, and having the ability to help out others. There is also nothing wrong with living in a smaller house in a smaller city not driving anywhere at all… if that would make you happy.
The basis of this journal entry is rather personal. In order to attract more positivity, there’s a need for me to let go of all that doesn’t serve positively. So here I go again. Another rung on the personal growth ladder underfoot. This is my privilege: to feel good about feeling good and doing great.
My money mindset is finally in check. And so is my opinion of what others happen to think of me, my art, and my life.
Your opinion is none of my business. It never was.
Getting stuck in a mental position, any of them, is not living completely. The older you get, and the greater experiences you allow yourself to encounter, the greater confidence and happiness levels there will be available for you to attain.
Exceptional joy can be found in making something beautiful and purposeful out of something of a much lesser value. I like to think of the end result as being the difference that I’ve made.
Those leather remnants don’t look like much right now, but later on, somewhere down the road after the work has been done, someone will ask ‘Did you really make this beautiful piece?’ and I will say yes.
With a such smile on my face, and warmth in my heart ‘Yes – yes I did make this!‘.
Elements of Surprise in Making Something Beautiful
People are often surprised with the end results of my jewelry designs.
The magic that imagination can play, when given the some to grow, is quite powerful. Sometimes, I even shock myself.
As stated during an interview for Hamilton Spectators’ WhoWhatWear article, (Dec 2014) regarding the results of pretty much any designing session I’ve ever had…
‘It’s weird because when I’m done, I’m like, how did I come up with that?”
Perhaps it’s the weirdest thing I could have ever said at the time.
Now it probably is, but quite honestly, despite the years of experience, this element of surprise doesn’t seem to go away.
That’s part of the attraction.
For others (who are often not handcrafted one of a kind jewelry clientel, but rather DIY’ers) it is easy to see one of my designs and think, ‘oh I get how that was made – I could make that myself’ or even better, questioning how it could be that expensive.
These are all after thoughts, and nothing that can compare to original designs, and the hours designing actually takes. Regardless, I want everyone to create something beautiful – with their hands – and with their life.
The Life Lesson:
Anyone can imitate, but being boldly original, and unapologetic for having a sense of yourself – and who you want to become – that’s making something beautiful.
When my life ends, know that I was incredibly happy, moderately healthy, and absolutely in love.
The struggles we face when someone passes is often all the wondering we do. Did they know we loved them, deeply through out all the days? Was there pain, and was it drawn out? Are they in a better place?
Until five years ago, I had pretty well felt myself to have lived without loss. As I’ve matured, its been realized that that’s not necessarily true. My grandmother, who left when I was in grade 4, is someone that nowadays I seem to miss daily. She’s a person I hadn’t had the privelige to really get to know.
As I’ve grown in age, so has the feeling of her spirit within me. When I do things, many things, I often feel that this is how she might have done them too. Like maybe I am quite like she was, somehow.
Although my time with her was short, and there’s some stuff I’ll never really know, I feel a connection to her that is rather unexplainable. I have participated in the Terry Fox run, in the memory of all that I remember my Grandmother to have been, and what I feel her to be now. This happened two years ago, and then again on Sunday.
Although for a great cause, my run wasn’t necessarily about the foundation, or the simple fact that I can. This is part of following my hearts story, of finding out and celebrating what is, what was, and what will never be again. It’s quite a distance that we all will travel from birth until the end.
For anyone who feels the emptiness form a person gone, I say:
Do something wonderful to celebrate the memories that you hold.
What would you want your loved ones to know once you’ve passed? How would you like them to celebrate your story? Maybe we should all have our own conversations now.
I’d like a barbecue. And for everyone to know without hesitation that I was happy, healthy, and in love. To understand that I have probably accomplished more than imagined, and had became someone that I aspired to be a long time ago. I lived.
Something I’ve been hearing a lot of lately is people commenting on how I’ve ALWAYS been a happy person. A number of people have remembered me that way.
This has made me feel good, momentarily, but inside I know there is probably nothing further from the truth. Untrue to our form, like anyone of us alive – what is on the outside doesn’t hold merit to how we actually are deep within.
I like the fact that people have viewed me as happy, funny, and smiley. This is how I am today.
For honesty’s sake, a big chunk of my remembered life has been spent being unhappy, unsettled, or unsure. I have been socially awkward for ages. Uncomfortable would have been an understatement.
It wasn’t until I was twenty that that these sort of things started to take change.
It might have been circumstance, but probably more in the way of my influencers. My circle changed during my twenties. It was surely smaller, and the people within it I knew with fair certainty were around for good reason.
A big wake up point in my life was when someone quite special stated rather matter of factly ‘If you’re not enjoying every single day of your life, you are not doing it right.’
Oomph! That hit me right in the face.
As someone who wanted to do things correctly, how could I have missed this. There was no denying, then or now, that I had been doing it all wrong. I was NOT a happy person enjoying my life. This was the moment where I began to realize that not all things were how they had to be.
We usually need a wake up call of some sort. We also need to understand that such seemingly out of reach things, like happiness for example, are ALWAYS a possibility. As you move forward, know that you are worth it all, and also realize you’re not alone in whatever your struggle may be.
After dealing certain with situations for a long time (pain, heartache, anxiety, fear, abuse, addiction – the list can go on and on) you can become immune, ignorant to the fact, and usually as a coping mechanism you say ‘well that’s just the way life is’.
You rationalize that everyone has their problems, and these big ones just happen to be yours.
If any of this is ringing true to you, maybe acknowledge that you’re either unhappy, or struggling with something big. Both of these are okay.
This might be how your life is right now, but this is not how your life has to remain. There is no reason for our personal hardships to continue.
One of my favourite sayings is ‘You must make a choice to take a chance, or your life will never change.’ This is something I carry with me in all aspects these days. It absolutely helps to realize that the struggle you are going to face today will transform into the strength that will make you stronger tomorrow.
When someone asks if I am happy nowadays, the answer is yes. That is the biggest change in my life – and there’s no denying that itself huge.
I would like for you to feel like yourself, for yourself, and to really get to know yourself. I would like you to know that you are worth it all, that you can have it all, and that you very much belong – but like they say, you were born to stand out.
If you have a personal story, which could be found encouraging and you’d like to share it as such, I would like for you to contact me. Absolutely no judgement will be made.
Feel free to leave your comments below. I look forward to your thoughts, both now and in the future, as I move forward with these shared life lessons and such.
* It is important to state that I don’t have any proper training regarding mental, physical, spiritual, or emotional health. I am however a huge supporter of healthy living. I would also like to point out that there are support groups and councillors available for every situation nowadays. There is no reason to feel alone in whatever you may be going through,
Originally published April 8 2011, on a previous blog. This is a post which I am very proud, and would love nothing more than for you to find the inspiration to make whatever change you’ve found challenging. You can accomplish anything.
Of the weakest hours on the strongest days
I am proud of myself, where as before I was not.
Yesterday marked the 3rd anniversary of me being myself without cigarettes. To some that is nothing, but to me that date – April 7th – marks the very day I had enough courage to just.be.myself.
I come from a long line of addictive personalities. Trust me when I say that I did not get skipped. Gambling, smoking, and drinking addictions are all in my blood. I have faced problems with all of them.
Being uncomfortable, unsure, or unsatisfied with yourself is a big let down. Sometimes it is natural as we grow into our own, but it doesn’t make it any easier, does it?
It is feeling weak within that can make peer pressure that much easier to fall into. It is your need for acceptance that makes it okay. Getting it’s ‘release’ makes a potential addiction your goto gal. And so it begins.
Unfortunately for us addictive personalities, quitting sure ain’t easy peazy. Turns out it takes more will power to stop than it would have taken to not start in the first place.
Regardless of what brought you to start, look within yourself, to your younger self – and find that child who wished to grow up to be more. Don’t be another person who lets yourself down.
Be the one to count on, to look up to. Let your life run it’s course naturally, as God intended.
From the age of 15 to 25 I was a smoker, who lit up more than most. Present day, 2014, while approaching my 32nd birthday, I stand behind these words more than ever. You can do and become anything you desire, it’s always a possibility, that depends on the actions you are willing to take. Go ahead. Move forward with your dreams today.
Below is a post my younger sister Lisa, 27, made to a local Facebook group for Mom and Dads. I feel it to be important to spread her message, which is one so many desperately need to hear. The feedback she received was welcoming, and it became known of how many people are affected in one way or another.
“The news of Robin Williams passing was shocking, then to learn that it was suicide, AND that he suffered from depression. As many of you know, I suffer from OCD, generalized and social anxiety, as well as a form of depression. If you didn’t know, now you do. I’m not ashamed to admit, I need help, and you shouldn’t be ashamed either. I goto a councillor regularly and was put on meds. A lot of people fear meds, I was one, but I can say honestly, they saved my life. The thing you need to understand is mental illness does not mean you will be on meds for life, the meds are just to help you think straight until you can retrain your brain. It’s all about your thoughts and your bodies chemical compound. I’m not putting this out here to get pitty, I don’t need pitty, I’m doing fantastic!! I’m putting this out here in hopes of people needing help getting help. I have online modules my councillor has gave me access to, I have phone numbers of Dr’s, councillors, hotlines, Sykes, etc. if anyone needs any type of help for them or someone else, please do not fear to contact me for help. When I came out about how I was feeling, I was mis-understood, laughed at, and judged. I took months out of work, had someone watch my lil man, and worked on my mental as well as physical well being. You can too. I’m here for anyone who needs it and will not judge <3″
While I haven’t walked in her shoes, I do know some of what my sister went through. If there is anything that I do understand, it is that depression is a hard thing to understand. In your mind they’ve got the world at their feet, everything they’ve ever dreamt of, and everything anyone would want for.
As we all know, perception is not reality. For whatever reason, when our perception changes, it isn’t always for the better. Sometimes you can switch it all around, and other times you just become stuck, like a cd that skips. One thing I remember Lisa saying over and over is that it’s was like she was in another world. How could that be? That was probably her perception. Everything was so skewed that she’d be in the local hospital nightly, begging for help ‘to make it stop’. She was essentially being traumatized daily.
Now if it’s hard to understand how someone would selfishly take their own life, alter your own perception a bit. Try to understand how if someone is begging for help so outwardly (or not), and cannot cope with facing what hardly any of us understand, and what no one should have to go through alone – but all too often do – our opinions should suddenly become more forgiving.
As stated above in my sister’s case, often it’s not just one straight answer for how, or why, or what becomes wrong with a sufferer. Like there not being one just cause, there is not one straight solution. It’s a process, and it can be a very long one. Recovery is tiring, but living the alternative is so much worse.
This was in no way a cookie cutter problem with a cookie cutter solution. My sister couldn’t work, couldn’t care for her son, and struggled just to keep herself alive. She was a heartbreak to see, helpless, and unsure of everything. Sometimes she couldn’t talk, and sometimes she couldn’t walk. You never knew what to expect.
The best thing that ever happened to Lisa was finding a councillor who she could relate to and trust. Someone who understood what everyone else thought to be crazy talk. This special lady my sister is lucky to have in her life is probably the one who saved her life. She was instrumental in turning my sisters mental health and her overall vitality around. I want to encourage anyone who is going through the same sort of situations to take action in getting themselves a qualified councillor that they trust.
Many changes were made in Lisa’s life, and they included on-going therapy, medications, exercise, and a diet change. These are all things that Lisa has stuck with, and I want you to know that they are all equally important. She isn’t the same person as before, but how could she be. She’s got joy in her eyes, and a curiosity about her that is everything I needed her to have.
Being selfish myself, I couldn’t live the same without her. If you love someone in distress, help them do whatever it takes. We only get one trip, with lots of stuff to face somewhere in the middle, and no one should feel like their doing it alone.
Suicidal? Need Help?
Call 911 or1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) or 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)
http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au where Lisa gets her workbook modules.
It is a resource she recommends, and continually uses herself.